Bill Gross seems to be angling for a spot in his latest investment outlook. The note reads a bit like a monologue you’d hear from a great-uncle who considers himself progressive at a Camille Paglia book signing, and features his signature toilet leitmotif:
Women have gotten the short stick or metaphorically the short rib ever since Eve, and I’m with Oprah for president and much, much more but hey, guys have got a few positive qualities that need to be mentioned. I mean when basketball players miss a free throw these days, they still get “low fives” from all their teammates. So here are a few low fives for men, men, men.
- Men need fewer pairs of shoes and purses.
- Men live 10 years less on average. They truly are the weaker sex. Feel sorry for ‘em ladies, not angry.
- Men shouldn’t be criticized for not putting the toilet seat down. If they need to put it down, hey [sic] will. If women do too, they can use their foot just like everyone else.
- Men run faster, jump higher and are much better at not communicating.
- Sure men start wars but great things actually are a result of them. Canned foods owe their origin to Napoleon, microwave ovens to the invention of radar during WWII, and the Internet (not Al Gore) to the fear of Russia bombing U.S. telephone lines during the Cold War. Way to go guys. Keep starting those wars.
- Men always know where the remote control is. Right next to them.
I could go on and on. I won’t. I don’t dare. Actually most of the world’s problems would go away if men just stayed home, watched football and learned to talk to their partners during commercial breaks. There are certainly enough of them.
Bonds, like men, are in a bear market.
LOL, BONDS, amirite?!? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without the $1-2tn of global central banks’ yearly bond purchases that have helped keep yields low.
For what it’s worth, Gross sounds a bit more bearish on men than bonds, and expects “marginally” positive market returns this year.
Bill Gross investment outlook: Bonds, men, it’s about time — Janus Henderson Investors