If so, Wall Street Prison Consultants is here to help.
Sign up for Fedtime 101, a federal prison survival telephone crash course “designed to help you get out alive.” Fees start as low as $1499 and you can settle your bill via PayPal.
Microwave cooking techniques?
The offer of help here is genuine — as is the sense of humour failure at the New York Stock Exchange which, the Guardian reports, has fired off an angry “cease and desist” order to the consultancy, declaring:
Your unauthorised use of the images of the facade and the trading floor, as well as your unauthorised references to NYSE and the trading floor, and the use of these to draw false connections between NYSE and criminal behaviour, tarnishes the image of the NYSE and its affiliated companies.
A debatable claim, for sure – along with an accusation that this prison help service has resulted in “dilution” of the NYSE’s trademarks.
Founder Larry Levine, who did ten years for fraud and drug convictions, seemingly taught himself about the legal system inside and began dispensing advice to fellow inmates. He says business has been steady since the financial crisis erupted…
Testimonials available here.
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UPDATE:
Larry’s been on…
A copy of the letter dispatched by one Janet K Parkhurst, senior VP in the office of the General Counsel at the NYSE, is now available here.
According to Mr Levine, Ms Parkhurst has her head firmly “stuck in the dirt.”
The whole world knows Wall Street’s dirty. She’s in denial!
That said, this prison consultant is wary of the NYSE’s legal guns. He’ll do his best to comply, but only when the NYSE team explain to him exactly – page by page, picture by picture – which images on Wall Street Prison Consultants have managed to offend this august institution.
Any readers requiring Mr Levine’s services can contact him directly here.
Related links:
NYSE letter to Wall Street Prison Consultants – Long Room
Bernie Madoff, here’s some advice from a (prison) insider – St Petersburg Times