IMMIGRANT SHOWER SHAME COVER-UP CATACLYSM
As told to FT Alphaville
A “shower” of illegal immigrant asylum seekers have been inadvertently released into the highest levels of authority within the British financial system, the Daily Alphaville can reveal.
Foreigners are said to have caused the worst banking crisis in hundreds of years, say Conservative MPs. You couldn’t make it up.
Friends of Great British conservative Michael Fallon, of her Majesty’s opposition, said today how “rating agencies” were all full of foreigners. “They’re all full of foreigners,” said one of Fallon’s fellow Tory MPs.
“We must be as rude as possible to the credit agencies… they’re an absolute shower” said Fallon.
Rating agencies have downgraded billions of dollars of debt, which has led to a crisis in mortgages this October. It’s thought that the metric system is to blame. Foreign raters mispriced billions of British debt. And now New Labour spin doctors are trying to cover up the rating refugees disaster. It’s political correctness gone mad.
Not prejudiced
“We weren’t prejudiced” said Fallon. The rating agencies are already full and there’s just no more room for French.
“I remember when ratings were simple and understandable by the average bloke,” said one anonymous member of the British trading public. “But now, – MBS, SIVs, BPs – it’s like a foreign language!”
“We used to call them classes. That’s a British word. Now we have to call them tranches. Tranches! I never thought I’d see the day.”
Foreigners control your mortgage
Under New Labour, foreigners in rating communities have got more and more control over our house prices.
The Daily Alphaville understands that rating refugees collect British mortgages from banks in pots which they call “cdos” – which is the eastern European word for con.
These pots are then painted in an attractive way by the foreigners and sold to unsuspecting British banks. And that could affect your marriage. Many British marriages have bank accounts.
Eurotrash
Two representatives from “Moody’s” – one of the rating ghettos – came to Parliament on Wednesday to explain themselves to MPs. They were both French.
Police are understood to be questioning them on whether they were in Paris on the night that Diana died.