A thoroughly un-illuminating statement from Southampton Leisure, owner of the south coast football club, on Wednesday. Some upbeat words on trading (relatively speaking – the Scummers reside in Britain’s second-tier Division One) were accompanied by an update on the supposed takeover discussions first revealed back in April:
The board is pleased to report that it is now in discussions with more than one interested party which may or may not lead to an offer. Further announcements will be made as and when appropriate.
This company clearly needs help in keeping shareholders informed.
Redrafting the release, with the help of a certain sports columnist, some additional input from Silicon Valley, and an accompanying trawl of the tabloids, FT Alphaville would suggest an alternative wording:
Having successfully fuelled expectations that multi-billionaire software genius Paul Allen might bankroll the club’s belated entry to the world of 21st Century football, Southampton Leisure regret to announce that according to Mr Allen’s agent, one Tom McLoughlin, the Microsoft co-founder had mistakenly identified Southampton as a leading soccer property in the UK. Accordingly, his 127-metre yacht, Octopus, has now left Southampton Water.
But, hey! In the meantime, your board has managed to repel a boardroom coup. Launched at the end of June, non-executive reactionaries Leon Crouch, Patrick Trant, Keith Wiseman and Brian Hunt tried to replace myself and poor Jim Hone with that West Brom reject, Paul Thompson. Goodness knows what the plan was, but this club needs professional leadership, not municipal flesh-pressers. While in breach of the Combined Code, the board has now been structured so as to avoid any repetition of this unsettling episode.
On the subject of professional leadership and the challenges which we face, I must also inform you that with Paul Allen heading over the horizon, we have had a wholly unwelcome and opportunistic approach from Michael Wilde, that bloody town planner and “Jersey resident” who helped get us into this mess in the first place.
Truth is, we need £20m to sort this club out properly. Someone’s got to be out there. We thank fans and investors for their perennial patience while we continue our search.
Ken Dulie, chairman
Obligatory declaration: the author of this post was raised in Portsmouth.